It's a GIRL!

We found out the best news at our ultrasound yesterday. We're having a baby GIRL!!!!

I really never cared too much what the baby was going to be but I think a little bit deep down I was hoping for a little girl. I have four sisters, so I don't know a thing about boys really which made me a little nervous if it was a boy but I do hope we add some boys to the mix eventually. I am SO excited to finally know that it's a girl. I felt like I knew it in my heart all along, that might be why I have so many girl things already! Plus girl things are super cute!

The ultrasound: September 29, 2016 (17 weeks)
We have been waiting for this day since our last appointment. I'm considered a high risk pregnancy, so my doctor wants to see me every 3-4 weeks. We do an ultrasound every time which is nice because I get to see baby grow, hear her heart beat and see her move- brings me comfort especially not being able to feel her (until this week). This appointment was special because we would know what our first child would be. We both deep down wanted it to be a girl- probably Wes a little more than me. He's going to be the best, most sweetest dad. I can't wait for the special bond that they are going to have, I can already see it now.
When my OB was looking at our baby yesterday he was trying to tell the gender. But baby girl was making it a little difficult for him because she had her legs crossed, indian style. It was the cutest thing but at the same time we wanted to know the gender so so bad! My doctor kept moving my belly to try to get her to move her legs out of the way. After a lot of trying without her budging at all, she finally moved so we could see. She was 100% without a doubt a girl. I was so happy for this sweet news and so was Wes, we almost couldn't believe it.
The whole, sitting indian style thing is kind of funny actually because it is so her. I can't really explain quite yet but when she is born and everyone learns her name it will make sense. We don't want to share her name with anyone until she is born for many reasons: what if we decide on something different, I don't really feel like people's opinions because it's not a common name, I don't want anyone to steal it (trust me, girls do) and we just want it to be a surprise!
In the ultrasound she was squirming so much! We even saw her arch her back like she was irritated that the doctor kept bugging her with the ultrasound. She was so cute and looks more and more like an actual baby rather than an alien haha

Dr. Beck is the best doctor I've ever had! He did my surgery back in May and I trust him a lot because of that and his experience. I really hope I can find a good doctor in Utah, if not I'm coming home to deliver!

Baby Clouse arching her back! Annoyed at Dr. Beck

Baby girl

Wes went hunting last weekend and if I'm going to be honest, I felt so lonely without him. He's really my only friend here in Arizona and feels like my only family sometimes. He knows me better than anyone else and I love him for all that he is.

One of his love languages for me is that he likes to give me gifts. Not just any gifts though. They come with a lot of thought and most of the time a lot of work. Before he left, earlier in the week he did something really thoughtful, something that would come while he was gone hunting and knew that he would be missed.

On the side of the fridge I've made two lists (I love lists! haha). One is for things we "need" before the baby comes, crucial to have before baby arrives. ie, making the baby's crib before we move to Utah, stroller, car seat, etc. And the second list is for "wants" before the baby arrives. ie, Solly baby wrap ( I already have two now; I love them!), baby owlet monitor, letterfolk board, etc. The letterfolk board has been something I've been wanting but just never wanted to spend the money on but I still knew I would get it before baby came. Well, Wes being the little angel that he is, saw that on the side of the fridge and decided he was going to do something extremely nice and thoughtful. One night he asked me which one I wanted because he thought maybe he could just make it (come to find out, he never intended on making it, he just wanted to know which one I wanted.. sneaky little boy, but a clever one). 

So last Friday I get a package in the mail.. it came with a sweet little note that ready something like: "I know you've been having a rough couple of weeks. Who says it needs to be your birthday or a holiday to receive a gift! I love you, your baby daddy."

So when he got home I made sure I left him a note too.

I love him and how thoughtful and aware he is. I sure love him more than I ever thought was possible.

Wes hunting! He said this elk was on the smaller side but it looks pretty big to me! I'm not much of a hunter and I don't like the meat but I think he needs time to do things that he loves and even though I missed him so much I want him to get away sometimes and do things that he loves. 

Tonight we went to Costco, basically for fun but also to get flowers and look for baby girl clothes. Costco is right by the Gilbert temple so we thought we would eat dinner somewhere real quick and then stop to watch the sunset behind the temple. What a beautiful sky we saw, it helps to see beautiful things like that that put everything into perspective. 

I love that he makes time to do little things like this with me. Because even though this didn't take up very much time and would be considered "little" to most, it was heaven for me, to be able to sit with my sweet husband and reminisce about the day we were sealed to one another and to see where we are now because of that day.

This week I am 17 weeks which seems huge to me! But I still a have a long way to go. I'm starting to get a bump that I can no longer hide, especially in tighter shirts. I feel like it's going to be huge by the end! But baby girl is healthy and is doing great so far, I'm really grateful for that. I've only gained a couple pounds but it feels like a million sometimes. I'm still really tired but I overall feel a lot better than I have been. I'm not really craving anything specifically but my appetite has increased tremendously!

This last weekend I was able to watch women's conference. It was something that I really needed to listen to. If you are struggling with faith and what that is, I strongly suggest watch President Uchtdorf's talk. It is AMAZING and brightened my spirits more than I can say. I love how he talked about how we cannot take away someone's agency but that things will all be made right one day, things we never thought could be possible. I struggle with remembering that sometimes and think about giving up on things that have challenged my heart for years. But I need to have more faith and trust in the Lord. Please watch this talk, I hope that it sticks and makes an impression upon you as it did for me :)

Here's the link: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/media/session_0_talk_7/5139845053001?lang=eng 

He said: “The purpose of faith is not to change God’s will but to empower us to act on God’s will. Faith is trust—trust that God sees what we cannot and that He knows what we do not. Sometimes, trusting our own vision and judgment is not enough.” (President Dieter Uchtdorf, September 2016, Women's Conference)

Emotions, Cravings, Sleep... Repeat

As of Wednesday I hit week 16 with baby Clouse!

I feel like everyone talks about week 16 almost as a milestone. I've heard people say this is the week they start to feel little flutters in their tummies, I've heard this is the week where some start to have a little belly poking out.. Well week 16 so far for me has been the same, nothing super significant happening here (besides all the new things baby is doing!)

Week 16: baby is now the size of an avocado! Yum! haha This week is a significant one for the baby. The bones in our baby's ears are now developed enough for our baby to be able to hear us. This is super exciting because now all of the belly talks and disney songs that Wes and I sing will actually be heard! Our baby can now even start to make a few expressions, hopefully we can catch one of those on an ultrasound!

Speaking of ultrasounds, we have our next one on the 29th, this Thursday! And this one is pretty exciting because we will find out the gender of our baby. Yesterday I ordered the sweetest little girl onesie from Target. I went to go pick it up and I thought I would look around the store a bit. I almost had a break down when I saw a little boy onesie because seeing that made me question what I have felt all this time. So at this point I really have no idea what we are having and I really don't care! I just pray for a healthy baby! Everything we have purchased will go to use someday even if it's not with our first baby.

Emotions: This week has been pretty mellow with emotions (well ok, maybe you should ask Wes instead of me haha). Except for yesterday.. I almost had a break down in Target, then Wes sent me extra money on venmo to buy more things for our baby and I started bawling just because of how sweet that was of him to do, then on my way home from Target I heard a country song on the radio and I lost it again. I wasn't sad yesterday, I was actually really happy so I think all of those cries were due to baby... AKA HORMONES!!!

Cravings: I feel like I shouldn't even talk about cravings anymore because they just keep getting worse and more embarrassing to share. I am still on an In N Out psycho crave!! I've had it more than a couple times this week, it's pretty bizarre how much I want it and feel like I need it.

I also made Wes drive all the way to Chandler with me (30 minute drive) to go get Elmers with me. It's a little bit valid, anyone that grew up in Chandler knows how good their burritos are!

The weird thing from all of my cravings is that I haven't gained any weight so I'm guessing that the baby needs some of the cravings I'm having. But I've also been craving healthy things too.. My favorite foods are tomatoes, potatoes, any veggies and chips and salsa. Luckily I have been able to eat those throughout my pregnancy without much difficulty. 

Sleep: Sleep has been the worst of these three topics. I am constantly so tired. Some days it feels like I can barely function because of how tired I am. I get 7-8 hours of sleep each night but sometimes it's really hard to get comfortable. I usually wake up a good amount of times each night, it's weird. And without fail I wake up every night at 12 and 2:30 to go to the bathroom.
Most of this "tired" that I am feeling, is not just a mental tired it's also a physical tired where my limbs feel like they have been worked out for hours. This has been the toughest thing to overcome and I am constantly telling myself that I have to get up and get things done.
The past two days though, I have had way more energy. The past two days have actually worried me because I have felt pretty normal (besides emotions haha). I haven't felt as tired and honestly I haven't felt pregnant at all. Having all of those pregnancy symptoms kind of just stop actually scared me a little because, I'm too much of a worrier as it is, and I worry that baby is ok. But this is about that time that I probably am supposed to start feeling a little more normal again, it's kind of nice to not feel like a crazy person 24/7.

This last week we got out a little bit and did a couple of fun things. We went to a Jared and the Mill concert (baby's first concert!) and it was awesome!! It was my second time seeing them but I'm amazed each time how great they sound. Jared even gave Wes and I a hug before the show. Wes told him that their littlest fan was there too, it was really cute! The only downfall to this night was that there were four other bands that played before Jared and the Mill. The concert started at 7 and Jared and the Mill didn't go on until a little after 11... My feet were soo tired and honestly, that was just too late for a pregnant girl to be out. But I'm glad that I went and did something fun!

Then this week we started building something awesome. I've been so excited to start this since the day we found out we were pregnant. We always said that we would build our baby's crib and that's what we started doing this week! It's a slow process because we want it to be perfect, plus it's mostly Wes building it because I have no idea what I'm doing. I help with the sanding and some of the cutting and design but he puts all of the labor into it and I'm super grateful that he's willing to put the time into making a crib rather than easily just buying one. It will be something special for our family and for our kids.

Little by little, day by day, this crib is looking more like a crib. I love how it's turning out and I'm so excited for it to be finished (we still have a long way to go) and for our baby to be here (only 23.5 weeks to go!) Luckily the baby needs time to grow so we can have time to prepare for their arrival. 

Lastly, this last weekend, I helped Elle get ready for homecoming. It was super fun to help her and to see all of her friends. She looked really beautiful and I can't believe how fast she is growing up. 

Also, baby bump showed up a little that day! 

I've also found out that I CANNOT have iced chai tea unless I am 5 minutes near my house.. That stuff is like Christmas in a cup and is so yummy but it seriously gives me major stomach pains and goes through me like a fire in a dry forest... I had a very small cup while taking Elle's homecoming pictures and I should not have done that and I will probably stay away from that stuff for a long time!

Chandler Homecoming, September 2016 (Elle's junior year)

I found this picture of me when I was really little and then I already had a picture of Wes when he was really little (both of us at very similar ages). It's fun to see us side by side at that age because we look so different yet now, some people even say we look similar. I'm more than excited to see what our baby will look like. If it will be a good mixture of both of us, if it will look just like Wes (like how Wes looks just like his mom and a little like his dad) or if it will look just like me (like how I look a lot like my own mom). I have no clue but I'm really excited to meet our baby and for our next ultrasound. 

Wes had the cutest little puckered smile and the blondest hair! I hope all of our kids look more like him!

We find out what we're having on the 29th (this Thursday) and will be doing a gender reveal on Friday the 30th! 

Week 15 with Baby Clouse

I have a journal that I have been writing in since the day that I found out that we were having a baby. Since then I have been writing in it once a week to document everything about my pregnancy, life and about being Weston's wife. It has been great to reflect on and has been fun to read about the things pregnancy has made me endure.
I thought that at least my family would like a weekly update, and anyone else that cares to read my blog about being a happy mom and wife!

My favorite quote that I found when I first learned that I was pregnant, this quote has really stuck with me. I already consider myself a mom because I am currently growing my baby inside me. I am experiencing things for the first time, because I am a mom.

"When someone is pregnant, she is not "expecting a child"- she already has one. She is not "going to be a mother"- she already is a mother. The baby is not "on the way," the baby has already arrived. If we are going to change the way society treats unborn children, we have to change the way we talk about them." -Frank Pavone ( I saw this on facebook posted on The Family- A Proclamation To the World page)

This week I have hit week 15!! This week baby is the size of a sweet, yummy orange.
Fun fact: this week the baby can now wiggle it's fingers and toes and is starting to make breathing movements. I love these little baby apps that I have (yes I have three different ones because they are awesome!), it's fun to get an update on our baby and what new things it is learning for the first time, week by week.
Even though our baby is still pretty tiny, I am starting to show, more than I thought I would by now haha which brings me to my biggest pet peeve of being pregnant.. I don't have a lot of pet peeves but this has bothered me. I hate how girls continually compare themselves to one another. I thought I would get a break from this once I was pregnant because you have a cute little belly and no one should care how much you gain or what you look like because you have human life inside you- coolest thing ever. But.. I have learned that it still happens. I am so excited to have a little bump and for it to just get bigger from here on out but I am sick of the comments of, "oh, well I didn't start showing until I was 6-7 months pregnant..." -good for freaking YOU! Stop comparing my current bump to your past one!
Anyways, our last ultrasound was at 13 weeks and it was still too early to tell the gender but the baby was jumping and moving all over the place.. I'm guessing that was from the Dr. Pepper I drank before my appointment :) The baby looks healthy for it's size, it's heartbeat is very fast which is great!
Our next appointment is on September 29th and we get to find out the gender, we're SO excited! Wes and I have both felt that it is going to be a girl. I have had dreams that we're having a girl and dreams that we're having a boy. We really don't care either way, we just pray for a healthy baby! But with that being said.. all I have right now are girl things, they just seem to be the cutest when I see things out and about.

Also, lets talk about cravings and ravenous hunger! Holy crap.. when I was in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy I felt SO nauseous all the time but mainly at night. I could hardly eat anything. One minute something sounded good and literally the next minute it didn't. I only threw up a good handful of times and I'm super grateful for that! Now that I'm not feeling as sick (except for early mornings right after I drink something) I've been craving hella things. I crave In N Out almost everyday and I seriously have to fight off the urge daily, however, sometimes, like a couple times a week, the baby wins. The baby must need iron or something from that meat. I also crave random things. Like the other day I was craving Alfredo and pizza muffins from a restaurant in Chandler.. I'm embarrassed to say that I definitely drove a half hour out of my way to go get it!

Most of the time my body does not feel like my own, it's the baby's body now and most of the time I am completely ok with that! I used to be an avid runner and at the start of my pregnancy I could not do any exercising because one, it would make me feel even sicker and two, I was just too dang tired.
Now I have started fast walking on the treadmill a couple nights a week. I'm still incredibly tired and my legs sometimes feel like a TON each but it feels good to be moving again even if it's not running.

This blog is meant to be real, no sugar coating here. I won't get too graphic or too detailed about some things because that would be just gross but I want to look back at this time and remember the bad, the good, the ugly, the beautiful and the crappy times because pregnancy is all of those every single day.
Like today for instance, I love love love spicy food. I had some hot cheetos today and baby didn't seem to mind them at first... well about two hours after I hate some they came out with a fiery vengeance. Needless to say, baby probably didn't enjoy them as much as I did. Also sleeping on my left side has become the only way I can sleep. Any other way and I'm up all night in cramping pain.
I think I have a bladder the size of a pea and my tiny baby likes to squeeze it in her hand every 20 minutes to let me know it's time to go to the bathroom. JK I know she's not squeezing it but that's what it feels like. I drink so much water these days that I seriously have to go ALL THE TIME! Wes makes fun of me because of how frequent I go.. Well it will only get worse from here as the baby grows and that's ok.
All of these things I am grateful for because they are signs that I am pregnant- something I have wanted my whole life! I am grateful for the bad, the good, the ugly, the beautiful and the crappy times because those times are bringing me closer to motherhood. There is nothing that I wouldn't endure to become a mother- the greatest joy in this life- besides being married to Wes of course :)


Background on us and our baby from the beginning...
After my surgery in May, my OB knowing how important having a family is to us, told us that it could take us many years to become pregnant and that it wouldn't hurt to start trying now.
Well, our little miracle came a lot quicker than we thought it would! Our first reaction was "scared out of our minds" but then after a day we became so excited and that excitement continues to grow every minute.

To say we feel blessed to be parents to this sweet baby is an understatement! It has already been 15 weeks of enjoying this baby and what motherhood/pregnancy has brought so far and we have been on a lot of adventures with our baby so far! I'll share some pictures below of some of the fun we have been having together, me, Wes and baby Clouse.

Baby Clouse at 5 weeks. This was a little less than a week after we found out we were pregnant. We went to Washington DC and New York for about a week and a half and the day we got home I took a test, ran into the kitchen and showed Wes. We were both shocked and almost didn't believe that it could be true but we are so grateful that it is!

Baby Clouse at 6 and 1/2 weeks old.

The baby is on the left and on the right is another cyst I developed after my huge one was surgically removed. At this point the cyst was developing quickly and we didn't know what was going to happen. Luckily by my next appointment at 9 weeks, the cyst had gone away on it's own. Rare and miraculous- answer to our prayers!

Baby Clouse at 9 weeks old in womb

Our baby has the cutest nose!!!! I stare at this ultrasound daily haha

Baby Clouse's little hand! (both hands had all 5 fingers!!)

Baby Clouse at 13 weeks: At our 13 week ultrasound we got to see our baby move so much, it was awesome! It kept jumping and wiggling around. It had it's hands up covering it's face- that was the cutest thing. It's so crazy to see that a life is actually inside of you, it seems too incredible to be true. I'm so happy that I get to experience motherhood, it is already the best thing that I could be in this life (plus a wife to Wes, they are the most important roles)

Baby Clouse at Cibeque Falls, AZ

Baby Clouse at Bear Canyon Lake, AZ

Baby Clouse at the Grand Canyon, South Rim, AZ; this was our baby annoucement to the world!

13 weeks pregnant

Baby Clouse's first camping trip; White Mountains, AZ

Baby's first camping experience was good except for the third morning when we had a huge breakfast. We had eggs, bacon and french toast.. I don't think the baby liked all the grease or she just wasn't having it because 10 minutes after I ate, I threw up about 5 times! I thought the "being sick phase" was over but it can still get ya at seriously any time! Pregnancy does crazy things to your body!!

Wes is already the most loving, caring, kind and mindful husband. I know he will be all of those things and so much more as a dad. He already talks to my belly and gives it a kiss every night. Next week baby will be developed enough to start hearing us! Wes is super excited for that.

I love my husband and the little baby growing inside me.